The Backpacker Crazy-town Metric!

Its been 8 weeks.  Officially the longest I've ever been backpacking.

Backpackers are people who seek travel as a means of education, more than a vacation.  Usually young, usually on a budget. Some weird. Some cool. Spotting the differences between the two is vital. And while I don't claim to be an expert, I have developed a couple of theories... (strokes beard thoughtfully).

I have met my fair share of characters and, I have now developed the Backpacker Crazy-town Metric! (Very scientific... not really, just fun)

I'm fairly confident that within 3-6 minutes, I can tell if a backpacker is crazy-town, or cool.

Things to gauge on your next backpacker encounter...

• Are they capable of making eye contact?(No? +1)
• Are they equally interested in learning as they are in sharing travel experiences? (No? +1)
• Do they smell? (I mean, all travelers have a bit of a funk after a while, but does the BO reach across the room and send everyone checking their pits wondering if it's them?) (Yes ? +1)
• Do they have a sense of humor? Or will they just quote Will Ferrell jokes all night? “You're my boy, Blue!” (Yes? +1)
• On a scale of Steve Urkel to Matthew McConaughey, how cool are they trying to be? 
• -- Urkel: Can`t talk to you without adjusting his glasses and laughing nervously while trying to sneak a look at your boobs? (Yes? +1)
• -- McConaughey: He/she spends as much time as possible in as few clothes as possible? Talks in grunts? Too cool for school? (Yes?+1)

A few more things to watch out for... (All things I have encountered)

• Are they too eager to be my friend? (Wide eyed and already inviting themselves along) (Yes? +1)
• Do they have a maniacal laugh? (believe me, its more common than you think... and a tell-tale sign) (Yes? +2)
• Do they have a stuffed squirrel attached to their backpack? (see photo) (Yes +5)
• Do they seem like they are running from the law? (worse than maniacal laugh, but slightly better than the stuffed squirrel) (Yes? +4)
• Are they vague about where they've been, and where they're going? (Yes? +2)
• Is their conversational repertoire limited to talking about how wasted they got last night? (Yes? +1)
• Do they stay in the hostel all day... every day... for no apparent reason? (Yes? +1)
• Does their expression only say, I wonder if she'll make out with me later?  Eyes shift, Or maybe that girl will... (Yes? +1)

Add them all up and see where your new friend lands on the scale:

0-1: New travel soul mate possibilities! See if travel itineraries might work out for a few days and travel together!  It´ll give you a chance to dig deeper and see if they´re really that cool or not.

2-5: A bit weird, but, hey, a girl`s gotta have dinner with somebody. A few drinks later and you`ve got a decent conversation partner!

6-10: Pleasantries exchanged, nada mas. Look for help from other hostel groups. Don`t get caught with him/her for too long.

11-17: RUN, do not walk, away. Crazy-town alarm fully sounded.

18+: Now that`s just a caricature of a person.  Appreciate that wonder of nature and file anecdotes away for future cocktail parties.

And now, to be quite fair... I've been the weirdo too. 
One time after bravely inserting myself in a group of cool looking travelers, I laughed so hard I farted involuntarily... yup, it smelled...bad.  I remember it happening in slow motion.  I saw their faces turn from, Hey, she's alright  ==> What the @#$% did she eat?  30 seconds later I was gracefully pretending I was exhausted and need to hit the hay.

Sure, we all quickly evaluate (judge) people.  It helps us order and organize strangers in our realm. Everyone does it.
But do you sleep in the same room with them?  Usually not.

While not all who wander, are lost... some of them are.  Tread carefully young adventurer.

SERIOUS TRAVEL TIP +
When meeting new backpackers, stick to the 80/20 rule.  Make them do 80% of the talking, while you only do 20%.  This will give you all the information you need to know, quickly.  If they're a wackadoodle, you can feel safe knowing they haven't heard much information about you and you can SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN.
(This strategy works for dating as well.)

Best wishes from the road,
Yesh

A special thanks to the contributors and editors of this rant. David Slenk, Robert Beets, Meghan Arnold and Brian Sweeting. Besos!