The Golden Oldie

The Golden Oldie

One of the great goals of my life is to age gracefully.  Not the kind of grace that includes pleated pants and Bridge parties, but the kind where when people meet you they say, "You're old enough to have grandchildren?" or, "I hope I can still do the electric slide like that when I'm your age!".

Golden Oldies (GOs) like my future self are not in every hostel, but they ARE on the gringo trail.  Whether they waited until this stage in life to travel or they are logging their hundredth country, GOs can often be recognized by their coat of armour, head to toe performance wear.  You know what I´m talking about (cough, mom) quick dry pants, money belts and a sock/sandal combo. 

Age is just a number, no doubt.  It does make me wonder, for my own future as a GO, when is it no longer appropriate to stay in a hostel?  Sure, hostels are affordable, a great place to exchange information and network with other travellers. They are the best, in fact.  Maybe it's when every clever reference you make in a common room exchange is met with blank stares or polite laughs.  Maybe it's when you realize you could have given birth to the person sleeping in the next dorm bed.  I don't know.  

But lets be real here, as far as backpackers go, I AM sometimes the most golden in a group.  Believe it or not, 27 can be ancient in some hostels.

God willing, I will sashay into my late years with friends of all ages, continuing to learn on a daily basis and still treating everyday as an adventure.  Viva Golden Oldies!


Besos,
Yesh 

The Know It All (KIA)

The Know It All

Hostels are the absolute best place to get travel information.  Guidebooks are good in a pinch and for general info but NOTHING replaces the recommendations you get from fellow travelers.  I get goosebumps when a traveller says something like, ¨We stumbled upon this tiny hole in the wall place¨, or ¨When you get to (insert city name), skip the (popular tour) and go talk to the old man that is always sitting on the corner with the cigar¨. The exchange can be exhilarating.

Sometimes you find that gem of a traveler that has been everywhere and remembers in great detail all of the awesome places they´ve been.  We call these people, Travel Gems.

And then, as if the universe needed to create a monster to balance out this travel God, there exists... (bum, bum buuuum)

The Know-It-All
The Know-It-All (KIA) is the guy/girl who´s been traveling for two weeks but somehow knows EVERYTHING about the local culture, what "they" do/like/believe, and even knows shit about countries they haven´t been to -- better than you do, even though you´ve actually been there.  I´m fairly certain the KIA read the entire Lonely Planet guide before they left home, and will not ever experience the freedom of getting lost, the laughter because you got on the wrong train or the joys of a spontaneous detour to a new country.

The best way to deal with a Know-It-All?  Nod appreciatively, smile, and get out of the hostel to discover the world on your own.  

Happy Trails!

Besos,
Yesh

Choose Yor Own Adventure: Bolivian Street Food

All of the guide books say, "In Bolivia, if you can't peel it or fry it, don't try it".

It's Choose Your Own Adventure time!  (Responses welcome.)

A quick word on street food
Street food is the heart and soul of travel.  I didn't leave my home and my loved ones to eat at McDonalds.  I want to eat what the locals eat. I want to taste the food that sustains the working man, and the treats that delight young children. I want it all.

The Adventure
One full day left in La Paz, Bolivia where street food is plentiful (and mysterious).
A) Do I go for it and taste the street delicacies?
B) Should I play it safe and stick to the gringo food joints, avoiding the potentially painful and inconvenient aftermath?

Inner monologue:
After spending almost nearly a year of my life in the developing world, I should have a stomach of steel, right? Then again, I did spend about 6 weeks crapping my brains out during "Jason and Yesh Do South America". (I looked awesome after that trip, though.) Hmmmm...

Responses welcome.

Travel Food God, Anthony Bourdain on street food.
"My Namibian warthog experience with the Bushmen of the Kalahari caused an unplanned Dr.'s visit about a week later--and a long course of antibiotics. Other than that, most problems are either temporary (extra time in the bathroom) or alcohol related. Nothing serious."

Continued reading - Is your mouth watering yet?
Follow world traveler Mark Weins and his quest for excellent international street food

Too lazy to read? Watch,
Street food in Bolivia with Joanna Cyprus

Llama attack!

This is not of course the actual attack. 

Kir got attacked by... a racist llama.  On a  totally misguided... Okay, we were completely lost for five hours... trek, we were taking a short cut through someone's farm when we came across two llamas.  Upon determining the llamas were less friendly than the wild baby mountain goats we had played with earlier that day, we started to walk away.  I took no more than three steps when Kirsten, who was walking behind me, screamed out in pain.  The black llama (racist) head butted and kicked her with it's front legs and then proceeded to chase us down the path until we ran off the property.  An experience both terrifying AND hilarious.

Note:  I don´t think that black llamas are actually racist.  Jokes people, jokes.

Choose Your Own Adventure: Bathroom Edition

Most of you undoubtedly remember the series popular in the 70´s and 80´s called, Choose Your Own Adventure, where the reader experiences the book as though they are the protagonist, deciding which part of the book to skip to based on decision points in the story.  I LOVED those books but think of them rarely, despite my current lifestyle.  Only a few days ago, when staying in a 6 person dorm in Buenos Aires with 5 male roommates did this genius literature flash back to me. 

Scene: Yesh comes back from a great run through the rose gardens near her hostel in bohemian Palermo, Buenos Aires.  She is sweaty from the run, a little dirty from doing crunches on the grass and her hair still smells of the club from the night before.  Yesh digs through her luggage to retrieve her shower stuff and within seconds, has hopped under the steady cascade of water, cleansing her body, to match her mind and spirit.  Yesh exits the shower.

Yesh realizes that in her hasty dash to the shower, she has forgotten her clean clothes. (Dramatic pause)  She has also forgotten her towel. (Yesh hits her own forehead and laughs to herself. The words, ¨What the ?$%&, Yesh?¨ run through her head.)

Decision Point:  Dear reader, do you regretfully put your sweaty and dirty clothes from your run, back on your clean body?
Or, brave soul, do you make the mad dash to your belongings, risking being seen in your full glory by your roommates?

The Backpacker Crazy-town Metric!

Its been 8 weeks.  Officially the longest I've ever been backpacking.

Backpackers are people who seek travel as a means of education, more than a vacation.  Usually young, usually on a budget. Some weird. Some cool. Spotting the differences between the two is vital. And while I don't claim to be an expert, I have developed a couple of theories... (strokes beard thoughtfully).

I have met my fair share of characters and, I have now developed the Backpacker Crazy-town Metric! (Very scientific... not really, just fun)

I'm fairly confident that within 3-6 minutes, I can tell if a backpacker is crazy-town, or cool.

Things to gauge on your next backpacker encounter...

• Are they capable of making eye contact?(No? +1)
• Are they equally interested in learning as they are in sharing travel experiences? (No? +1)
• Do they smell? (I mean, all travelers have a bit of a funk after a while, but does the BO reach across the room and send everyone checking their pits wondering if it's them?) (Yes ? +1)
• Do they have a sense of humor? Or will they just quote Will Ferrell jokes all night? “You're my boy, Blue!” (Yes? +1)
• On a scale of Steve Urkel to Matthew McConaughey, how cool are they trying to be? 
• -- Urkel: Can`t talk to you without adjusting his glasses and laughing nervously while trying to sneak a look at your boobs? (Yes? +1)
• -- McConaughey: He/she spends as much time as possible in as few clothes as possible? Talks in grunts? Too cool for school? (Yes?+1)

A few more things to watch out for... (All things I have encountered)

• Are they too eager to be my friend? (Wide eyed and already inviting themselves along) (Yes? +1)
• Do they have a maniacal laugh? (believe me, its more common than you think... and a tell-tale sign) (Yes? +2)
• Do they have a stuffed squirrel attached to their backpack? (see photo) (Yes +5)
• Do they seem like they are running from the law? (worse than maniacal laugh, but slightly better than the stuffed squirrel) (Yes? +4)
• Are they vague about where they've been, and where they're going? (Yes? +2)
• Is their conversational repertoire limited to talking about how wasted they got last night? (Yes? +1)
• Do they stay in the hostel all day... every day... for no apparent reason? (Yes? +1)
• Does their expression only say, I wonder if she'll make out with me later?  Eyes shift, Or maybe that girl will... (Yes? +1)

Add them all up and see where your new friend lands on the scale:

0-1: New travel soul mate possibilities! See if travel itineraries might work out for a few days and travel together!  It´ll give you a chance to dig deeper and see if they´re really that cool or not.

2-5: A bit weird, but, hey, a girl`s gotta have dinner with somebody. A few drinks later and you`ve got a decent conversation partner!

6-10: Pleasantries exchanged, nada mas. Look for help from other hostel groups. Don`t get caught with him/her for too long.

11-17: RUN, do not walk, away. Crazy-town alarm fully sounded.

18+: Now that`s just a caricature of a person.  Appreciate that wonder of nature and file anecdotes away for future cocktail parties.

And now, to be quite fair... I've been the weirdo too. 
One time after bravely inserting myself in a group of cool looking travelers, I laughed so hard I farted involuntarily... yup, it smelled...bad.  I remember it happening in slow motion.  I saw their faces turn from, Hey, she's alright  ==> What the @#$% did she eat?  30 seconds later I was gracefully pretending I was exhausted and need to hit the hay.

Sure, we all quickly evaluate (judge) people.  It helps us order and organize strangers in our realm. Everyone does it.
But do you sleep in the same room with them?  Usually not.

While not all who wander, are lost... some of them are.  Tread carefully young adventurer.

SERIOUS TRAVEL TIP +
When meeting new backpackers, stick to the 80/20 rule.  Make them do 80% of the talking, while you only do 20%.  This will give you all the information you need to know, quickly.  If they're a wackadoodle, you can feel safe knowing they haven't heard much information about you and you can SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN.
(This strategy works for dating as well.)

Best wishes from the road,
Yesh

A special thanks to the contributors and editors of this rant. David Slenk, Robert Beets, Meghan Arnold and Brian Sweeting. Besos!

Olio Mundo

My life is a beautiful olio of experiences.
Its time to start recording some of it.



Olio
Function: Noun
Definition: A miscellaneous mixture.
Synonyms; hodgepodge, mishmosh, everything but the kitchen sink.




Photo: Little Yesh. Big Bench.
Plaza de Chile, Buenos Aires, Argentina


- BAM!

Location:Tigre,Buenos Aires,Argentina